Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
