I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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