i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
