'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
