I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
