Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
