I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
