So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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