my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
