Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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