i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
