Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
