before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
