Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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