I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
