she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
