if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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