So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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