The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
