Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
