what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
