We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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