Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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