twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
