that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
