he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
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