so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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