She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
