yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
