girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
