we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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