He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
