Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
