yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You pole danced in your parka.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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