Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
