my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
