the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
