the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How's work?
Spinning.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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