If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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