This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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