I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
