I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
