Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
