I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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