Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
