When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
