sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
