I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
