I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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