I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
