i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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