i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
