Christians are straight up FREAKS
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
