I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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