im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
barbara walters just said penis...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
