i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
