This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
