it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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