how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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