All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
