not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
