2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
