We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
