i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
