How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize