What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
