No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize