Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize