he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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