My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize